Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
