I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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