it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
