Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize