im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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