i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Green mimosas i think yes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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