but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
