Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
