Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
