Need sex. Gaining weight.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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