We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
