booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
