Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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