Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
