I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
