you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
