4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
