Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
