I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
