I can tuck mytits in my pants
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
