worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
