thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
