Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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