It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
