and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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