wakey wakey hands off snakey
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
