my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
third nipple confirmed
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
