Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
