i just had sex bonerless
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
well you can't waste a boner
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
