I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
