I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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