it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My vagina just recognized that song.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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