just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
