This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just threw up on my dentist
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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