I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just forgot I was standing up.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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