you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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