How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize