Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
