The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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