I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize