now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
