Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
