After last night, I could never be a politician.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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