I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize