Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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