I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
