I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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