Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
