chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
