you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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