I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize