Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Drunk is a universal language darling
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