I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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