but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
