All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
