Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
