She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
