Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize