saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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