I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
