they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
