I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
