You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize