you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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