I hope mine doesn't look like that
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
