Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
BRING THE BAGELS
Come share oat with me in your robe
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
