she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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