now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
