I heard we made out
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
